Dumpster Fire

Ordering for One... LB

Monday, March 22, 2010

So I discovered this little Italian sandwich place down the street from me. Since it’s in walking distance I’ll often head down on foot. It’s my way of earning my calories while also discovering more about my new neighborhood. Whenever I’m there I often get a lot of food. Mainly because I I’m too lazy to cook and need enough to last me a couple days, and also, most importantly, because I’m greedy.


But I don’t want to be that girl who lives alone and orders copious amounts of food. Even if I am that girl.  So I make up an imaginary person that I’m also ordering for when I get to shop. A typical order will go something like this.

I’ll take a order of X and a side of Y …. And oh yea… I also need to order a large Z as well… for my friend. Yes, my friend will also need a two liter of ginger ale as well.  (I pretty much use those exact words!)

Now I’m at the register thinking I’m a genius mastermind. They’ll never know it’s all food for me. But the guy at the register sees thru my geniously crafted façade and will ask if my “friend” needs extra cheese or a particular condiment. The sarcasm drips from his mouth like the grease from whatever I've just ordered. I’ll simply reply, “no” and grab my large bag in shame and rush out the door, usually with a fry or two already in my mouth.

Keep in mind, I do this EVERYTIME I go there. Even though they know there’s no one else eating the food. I feel like I’ve started something and now I have to see it through.

LB



LB

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